BEST Carnivore Birthday Cake (w/ Tallow Frosting)
Meat is great. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t love eating steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner…
But maybe it’s your birthday. And maybe you just want some carnivore birthday cake for goodness’ sake.
If this be the case, all is not lost, dear carnivore dieters. I was a cake-hungry carnivore too until I discovered the holy grail of meat based cakery. And today, I’m here to gve you my magic.
Enter “Pretty Much As Good as the Real Deal Carnivore Birthday Cake”
Why This Cake Awesome
Because today’s the day, my friends, your fondest gluttonous daydreams come true. The day when, at long last, you get to have your carnivore cake and eat it too.
Yes, my laconic carnivore compatriots, you have struggled. You have exerted superhuman discipline and oodles of unbelievable rigor to transition to a way of eating that most would consider impossibly limited.
Of course, we animal foods enthusiasts know that meat and more meat is, as it turns out, unbelievably delicious and, rather than feeling restricted, most of us feel like the proverbial kid in a steakhouse whose wildest dreams of cream and more fat, please, have finally arrived.
But still. There are certain pleasures those of us committed to a strict carnivore diet thought we had all but absolutely forsaken. For yours truly, birthday cake being at the very top of the list. Even if just once a year, birthday cake had hitherto formed some of the finest recollections of my human existence.
Of course, like so many of us, I was willing to make any sacrifice to attain the ridiculous health, weight loss, bikini body, and superhuman powers a diet consisting solely of animal products turned out to afford.
And yet…if I could, wouldn’t it just be nice to have some cake and it too? To look like a Barbie and feast like a Viking? To have a sweet tooth, just for a minute, like any other cake-munching muggle?
Well, dear reader, that day has come.
Join me in welcoming the new King of Carnivore Diet Desserts: The Best Ever Carnivore Birthday Cake.
This cake is:
- Low Carb & Keto: Keto carnivore? That’s cool. This carnivore cake recipe uses a carnivore apropriate, keto sweetener, is sugar free, and will keep your carb counts keto a propos.
- Super Fine: Crazy gorgeous, fine as all hell, and even more stunning than Sophia Loren’s waistline, this cake LOOKS LIKE A REAL CAKE. Making it the most show stopping of carnivore desserts for any special occasion.
- Seriously Tastes Like Cake: I know I keep saying this…but really. This is not a cake made out of prosciutto that’s like, oh how cute, they made a cake out of meat. No. It looks like real cake. The texture is fairly bready and similar to a dense, very moist and eggy cake. I’m serious. This cake is LEGIT. All but guaranteed to give full satisfaction to the discerning connoisseur of carnivore desserts.
- Dairy-Free Option: If you’re a strict dairy free carnivore, this cake can accomodate. No need for the heavy cream or cream cheese called for by all those other carnivore cake recipes. Not only is the cake itself dairy free, but the frosting can be too. How? Tallow. Sound unbelievable? Try it (directions below). This tasy beef based frosting will make you a believer after the first bite.
- Breakfast-Appropriate: Remember the days of eating leftover birthday cake for breakfast? Those days are BACK. This cake’s purity, high protein content, and almost exclusively animal based ingredients make it a whole-food, stupid-healthy meal-in-itself. You could eat it for breakfast with an absolutely clear conscience, proud to call yourself as real a carnivore as ever lived.
So, my friends, my message is this. No more gazing wistfully at the carb-laden birthday cakes of your normie best friends.
Say goodbye to look, but don’t touch.
Mix it, bake it, ice it and discover for the first time the joy of baking your carnivore cake and eating it too.
Ingredients & Notes
Pork Rinds
The secret behind this cake’s miraculous fluffiness is ground pork rinds. Plus some extra puff and aeration courtesy of whipped egg whites.
You can grind the pork rinds yourself or buy pork rind flour. I recommend the latter as more cost and energy efficient.
The most cost effective option is Pork Panko from Bacon’s Heir.
Another option is Pork King Good’s twelve ounce jar of unseasoned ground pork rinds which, per ounce, are still a far better deal than buying pork rinds in a bag.
The least economical but probably second to best option when it comes to quality is Epic’s Pink Himayalan and Sea Salt Pork Rinds.
These rinds are from pasture raised hogs and contain only sea salt and himalayan pink salt, whereas the rinds list above probably are seasoned with processed, iodized salt.
Of course, the best option, or really, the only option for the purity freaks and highly sensitives among us is to source our own pork skin from soy- and corn-free pastured hogs (like these rolls of pork skin from Circle C Farm), make our own pork rinds (here’s a good post on how to make pork rinds from Wholesome Yum–just sub lard or tallow for the avocado oil), then grind.
Glycine
Glycine is an amino acid naturally found in collagenous tissues, and it kinda tastes like…sugar. Not quite as sweet, but heck. When all you eat is steaks, glycine is like straight up high fructose corn syrup (in a good way).
It’s awesome because it’s used a supplement to soothe the central nervous system and is also a huge component of collagen, so it’ll make you an even prettier Carnivore Barbie (or Ken Doll) than you already are.
I use this non-gmo bulk glycine from Microingredients, a small US based company.
Inositol
If you’re a felxible kinda meat eater, combine glycine with insoitol to create the ultimate zero net carb carnivore sweetener.
Inositol is a compound naturally found in the mammalian nervous system. It acts as a soothing neurotransmitter, supports adequate liver and detox functions, and is used in supplement form to improve symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder, PCOS, panic disorder, and OCD.
But the best part is that inositol tastes really, really good.
And…the combo of inositol and glycine has a clean, sweet taste that is remarkably similar to real sugar with none of the carbs or funny aftertastes of sugar or other high intensity zero-carb sweeteners.
Here’s the catch…inositol is manufactured from corn (although you can get it from companies that use GMO corn), so the super purist or very sensitive carnivores among us will probably want to steer clear.
Also it’s kinda expensive. But it’s my humble opinion that as an occasional treat inositol may have a place in a long-term carnivore diet.
If you’re not comfortable using inositol, you can simply replace inositol in this recipe with the same amount of glycine.
I use bulk, non-GMO Inositol from Microingredients.
Tallow
Of course, you can make a plain Jane cream cheese frosting and that’s just fine.
But the icing on the cake (quite literally) is that the frosting can be made from purified beef tallow, glycine, inositol and, raw honey (if so desired), making this cake pretty much totally paleo carnivore and dairy free.
If you wanna go this way, then take a look at my Keto Carnivore Fat Bombs recipe for the full dets on how to source the best tallow for tallow frosting.
In short, if you’d like to make your own pristine and fat bomb appropriate tallow, head over to our comprehensive guide on How to Make Beef Tallow and use the wet-rendering method.
In a pinch, hit up some Sulu Grassfed Tallow for a deodorized, super good deal that doesn’t smell or taste like cow (though how they get is so odorless makes me a tad suspicious).
Or, get yourself some grass finished Epic Beef Tallow for a higher quality option (but one that smells and tastes more beefy…)